Falkland Island Crisis--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Falkland Island Crisis

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A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. 

Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General’s office.  

“Since we weren’t actually at war,” the General began, 

“I can’t give out any medals.  We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated. What we’ve decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body.  You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts.  We’ll start on the left, boys, so what’ll it be?” 

Soldier 1:

 “The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!”  

General: “Very good son, that’s 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds” 

Soldier 2: 

“The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!” 

General: “Even better son, that’s 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds” 

Soldier 3: 

“The palm of me hand to the tip of me left pinky, sahr!” 

General: “That’s a strange but fair request, son! 

As the general begins the measurement: “What!  Son, where is your left pinky?” 

Soldier 3: “Falkland Island, sahr!”

Perfect Son--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Perfect Son

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A:I have the perfect son.

Q:Does he smoke?

A:No, he doesn't.

Q:Does he drink whiskey?

A:No, he doesn't.

Q:Does he ever come home late?

A:No, he doesn't.

Q:I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

A:He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Brand New Bike--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Brand New Bike

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On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike.  

The cop says to the kid,

"Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"  The kid says,

"Yeah." The cop says,

"Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."  

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says,

"By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says,

"Yeah, he sure did." The kid says,

"Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Why Are You Crying?--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Why Are You Crying?

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Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic.  

Bill happened to be crying very loudly.

"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.

"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.

"So? Are you afraid?"

"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger." As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely. Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob,

"Why are you crying now?" To which Bob replied,

"I came for a urine test!"

Prayer--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Prayer

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Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.

 At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

 "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."

 "I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."

 "I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said,

 "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied,

 "No, but Grandma is!"

A Lesson In Goverment--Kids Jokes Of The Day

A LESSON IN GOVERNMENT

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jokes for kids

  A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.


When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.


His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''


''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.


''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.


 ''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed.

 In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help.


When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room.

 When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud,


''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''

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I Don't Know--Kids Jokes Of The Day

I don't know

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Little Johnny asks his father: 

"Where does the wind come from?"

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"I don't know."

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"Why do dogs bark?"

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"I don't know."

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"Why is the earth round?"

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"I don't know."

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"Does it disturb you that I ask so much?"

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"No son. Please ask. Otherwise you will never learn anything."

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Give Me Free Meat--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Give Me Free Meat

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It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. 

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." 

"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." 

When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!" 

Something!--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Something!

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Raphael runs to his father and starts talking to him urgently, “Dad, dad…”

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His father turns to him angrily and says,

“I’ve had it with you constantly interrupting me. From now on you’ll speak only when I’ve asked you something!”

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Raphael thinks for a second and continues,

“OK dad, can you please ask me if you’ve forgotten to put in the handbrake and if your car is now rolling down the road?”

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