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Chủ Nhật, 28 tháng 8, 2016

Giving Birth Jokes--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Giving Birth 


A woman starts dating a doctor. 

Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. 

About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. 

The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. 

After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.

 "It's worth a try," he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.

 After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, 

"Father, you're not going to believe this."

 "What?" says the priest.

 "What happened?" 

"You gave birth to a child." "But that's impossible!" 

"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." 

About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. 

One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." 

The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"

 The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father." 

Thứ Sáu, 19 tháng 8, 2016

Sobriety Test--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Sobriety Test 


A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. 

He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

 The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. 

I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

 "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." 

"Well, then, we need a urine sample." says the officer 

"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar." 

"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." says the officer 

"I can't do that, officer." 

Says the guy (with a full grin on his face) 

Now becoming fustrated the officer says "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk." 

Chủ Nhật, 14 tháng 8, 2016

Texas Smarts Jokes--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Texas Smarts 

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. 

She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, 

"That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help." 

He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, 

Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" 

Still gasping, she again shook her head no. 

With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. 

The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. 

The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, 

"Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick manoeuvre always works." 

Thứ Năm, 4 tháng 8, 2016

Orange Bar Jokes--Kids Jokes Of The Day


Orange Bar Jokes 

One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, 

"Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" 

The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was livid.

 "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" The student then recited, 

"Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..." 
 

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