Hedgehog Jokes Funny

Hedgehog Jokes Funny

Q: How do hedgehogs make love? 

A: Very, very carefully! 

Q: Why couldn't the hedgehog wash his hair? 

A: Because he'd left his head and shoulders on the road. 

Q: What do you call an hedgehog with a carrot in each ear? 

A: Anything you want as he can't hear you! 

Q: What did the grape say when the hedgehog stood on it? 

A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine! 

Q: Why did the hedgehog cross the road? 

A: To prove to the possum that it could be done! 

Q: When does a hedgehog go "moo"? 

A: When it is learning a new language! 

Q: What do you call a hedgehog that can pick up an elephant ? 

A: Sir! 

Q: Who's faster, Sonic the hedgehog or a Japanese bullet train? 

A: A bullet train of course, Sonic doesn't actually exist. 

Q: What is a hedgehog's favorite flavour of chips? 

A: Prickled Onion! 

Q: Why did the hedgehog cross the road? 

A: To see his flat mate! 

Q: What do you call a hedgehog with hot lips? 

A: Sonic the Hedge-Snog. 

Q: What do you get when you cross a bush and a pig? 

A: A hedgehog! 

Q: What's the difference between a Mercedes and a hedgehog? 

A: The pricks are on the outside on a porcupine! 

See more: Jokes for kids that are really funny

DECISIONS Joke Funny

DECISIONS Joke Funny

The department head is a wise, friendly old man, and one day, during an interview in his office he was asked, 

"Sir, What is the secret of your success?" 

He said, "Two words." 

"And, Sir, what are they?" 

"Right decisions." 

"But how do you make right decisions?" 

"One word." He responded. 

"And, sir, What is that?" 

"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?" 

"Two words." 

"And, Sir, what are they?" 

"Wrong decisions." 

See more: Good jokes for kids

Veterinary Clinic Joke Funny

Veterinary Clinic Joke Funny

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. 

As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away." 

"What?" screamed the man. 

"How can you tell?  You haven't done any testing on him or anything. 

I want another opinion!" With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. 

The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly. 

After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said "Bark". 

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also checked out the poor dog on the table. 

As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow."  

He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room. The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600.  

The dog's owner went beserk. "$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!" 

The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan..." 

See more: Funny kid jokes

Sport Jokes That Make You Laugh

Sport Jokes That Make You Laugh

Funny kid jokes

Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? 

A: Quattro sinko. 

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? 

A: A stick. 

Q: What is a ghosts favorite position in soccer? 

A: Ghoul keeper. 

Q: What is a cheerleaders favorite color? 

A: Yeller! 

Q: What is a Cheerleader's favorite food? 

A: Cheerios! 

Q: Why can't Cinderella play soccer? 

A: Because she's always running away from the ball. 

Q: When is a baby good at basketball? 

A: When it's dribbling! 

Q: Why did the basketball player go to jail? 

A: Because he shot the ball. 

Q: Why do basketball players love donuts? 

A: Because they dunk them! 

Q: What do you call a pig who plays basketball? 

A: A ball hog! 

Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? 

A: In case he got a hole in one! 

Q: How is a baseball team similar to a pancake? 

A: They both need a good batter! 

Q: What's a golfer's favorite letter? 

A: Tee! 

Q: What animal is best at hitting a baseball? 

A: A bat! 

Q: At what sport to waiters do really well? 

A: Tennis, because they can serve so well. 

Q: How do baseball players stay cool? 

A: They sit next to the fans. 

Q: Why did the football coach go to the bank? 

A: He wanted his quarter back! 

Q: What is harder to catch the faster you run? 

A: Your breath! 

Q: Why is tennis such a loud sport? 

A: The players raise a racquet. 

Q: Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?

A: He was perfecting his swing. 

Q: Why did the ballerina quit? 

A: Because it was tu-tu hard! 

Q: How do football players stay cool during the game? 

A: They stand close to the fans? 

Q: What is an insect's favorite sport? 

A: Cricket! 

School Answering Machine Joke Funny

School Answering Machine Joke Funny

Short funny jokes

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection: To lie about why your child is absent

--Press 1. To make excuses for why your child did not do his work

--Press 2. To complain about what we do

--Press 3. To cuss out staff members

--Press 4. To ask why you didn't get needed information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several bulletins mailed to you

--Press 5. If you want us to raise your child

--Press 6. If you want to reach out and touch, slap, or hit someone

--Press 7. To request another teacher for the third time this year

--Press 8. To complain about bus transportation

--Press 9. To complain about school lunches

--Press 0. If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it is NOT the teacher's fault for your children's lack of effort-HANG UP 

Dancer Jokes That Are Really Funny

Dancer Jokes

Good jokes for kids

Did you hear about the dancer and the hula hoop? 

Talk about a waisted talent. 

Why don't dogs make good dancers?

Because they have two left feet! 

What do cars do at the disco? 

Brake dance 

What kind of dance do mothers like best? 

The Mom-bo 

What do ghosts dance to? 

Soul music 

What is the fastest pie in the world? 

Merengue. 

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the disco?

 He had no body to dance with! 

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. 

How do you make a tissue dance? 

Put a little boogie in it 

Where can you dance in California? 

San Fran-disco 

What do you call a group of peppers dancing? 

A salsa. 

What did the groovy bank robber say? 

Everybody get down! 

What dance do hippies hate? 

A square dance. 

What do you get if you cross an insect and a dance? 

A cricket ball! 

Whats thirty feet long and smells like piss? 

Line dancing at a nursing home. 

Why do ants dance on jam jars? 

Because the jar says 'twist to open'! 

What dance do women do when summer is over? 

Tango (tan-go) 

Which dance will a chicken not do? 

The foxtrot! 

Where do fortune tellers dance? 

At the crystal ball. What is a pigs favourite ballet? Swine Lake! 

Orchestra Jokes Funny

Orchestra Jokes Funny

Funny jokes for kids

Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet? 

A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA! 

Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks? 

A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms! 

Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb? 

A: Seven. [Indignant nose upturning] Of course, I wouldn't expect you to understand. 

Q: Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? 

A: On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back. 

Q: Did you hear the joke about the orchestra? 

A: I don't remember how it goes, but the punchline is "the conductor got hit by a car". 

Q: Why are conductors' hearts popular for transplants? 

A: They've had little use. 

Q: What do all great conductors have in common? 

A: They are all dead. 

Q: What does a conductor and a baseball have in common? 

A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat. 

Q: What do you call a successful pianist? 

A: A guy whose wife has 2 jobs. 

Q: What's the difference between a conductor and garbage? 

A: The garbage gets taken out once a week. 

Q: What's the definition of an optimist? 

A: An orchestra director with a mortgage. 

Q: What's the difference between a violin and a trampoline? 

A: You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline. 

Q: What do you call a bunch of conductors in a hot tub? 

A: Vegetable soup. 

Short Funny Jokes And Riddles With Answers

Short Funny Jokes And Riddles With Answers

Jokes for kids to tell

Q: What dog keeps the best time? 

A: A watch dog. 

Q: What did the man say to the wall? 

A: One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya! 

Q: Why did the tomato turn red? 

A: It saw the salad dressing! 

Q: Why do girls scouts sell cookies?

A: They wanna make a sweet first impression. 

Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on? 

A: It let out a little wine! 

Q: What kind of berry has a coloring book? 

A: A crayon-berry 

Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? 

A: Odor in the court. 

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? 

A: Dam! 

Q: Why don't skeletons fight each other? 

A: They don't have the guts. 

Q: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? 

A: SUPPLIES! 

Q: Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? 

A: Because he was a paleontologist. 

Q: What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? 

A: The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup. 

Baseball Jokes For Kids That Make You Laugh

Baseball Jokes

Short jokes for adults

Q: Why did the pastry chef hire a pitcher? 

A: Because he knew how to handle the batter. 

Q: Why is Mike Trout so perfect?

 A: He's an Angel. 

Q: Why did the cops go to the baseball game? 

A: Because they heard someone was stealing a base. 

Q: When does royalty watch baseball?

 A: During knight games. 

Q: Why can't you play baseball in the jungle? 

A: Because there are too many cheetahs. 

Q: Why is the baseball stadium hot after the game? 

A: Because all the fans have left. 

Q: What does a baseball player do when he loses his eyesight? 

A: Become an umpire. 

Q: What was the frog doing on the baseball field? 

A: Catching flies. 

Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and an umpire? 

A: One steals watches and the other watches steals. 

Q: Did you hear the baseball joke? 

A: It will leave you in stitches. 

Q: Why is it so hard to steal third base? 

A: Because you have to go through a short stop. 

Q: What did the glove say to the ball?

 A: Catch ya later.

 Q: Which are the best animals at baseball? 

A: A score-pion. 

Q: Why did Dracula quit the baseball team? 

A: They only let him be "BAT" boy! 

Q: Who makes CAKE during a baseball game? 

A: The Batter! 

Q: What did the hand say to the baseball? 

A: Your such a catch. 

Q: Why are frogs great outfielders? 

A: They never miss a fly. 

Q: Why is an umpire like an angry chicken? 

A: They both have foul mouths. 

See more: Funny jokes for adults dirty

Funny Jokes For Children One Liners

Funny Jokes For Children One Liners

Q: What is the tallest building in the world? 

A: The library! It has the most stories! 

Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it? 

A: A waist of time 

Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor? 

A: Because it was not peeling well 

Q: Why is England the wettest country? 

A: Because the queen has reigned there for years! 

Q: Why do fish live in salt water? 

A: Because pepper makes them sneeze! 

Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer? 

A: He wanted cold hard cash! 

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? 

A: Frostbite. 

Q: What is the best day to go to the beach? 

A: Sunday, of course!

Q: What bow can't be tied? 

A: A rainbow! 

Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline? 

A: Spring time. 

Q: Where did the computer go to dance? 

A: To a disc-o. 

Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs? 

A: A Bed 

Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? 

A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew". 

Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital? 

A: To get a tweetment. 

Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? 

A: A Clausterphobic 

Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? 

A: Ouch 

Q: Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? 

A: Because his friend said dinner is on me. 

Q: Why is a 2016 calendar more popular than a 2015 calendar? 

A: It has more dates. 

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? 

A: Never mind, it's over your head! 

Q: What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? 

A: A penny. 

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? 

A: Because he had no-body to go with. 

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest? 

A: They take the psycho path. 

Q: What three candies can you find in every school? 

A: Nerds, DumDums, and smarties. 

Q: Why are pirates called pirates? 

A: Cause they arrrrr. 

Q: What do prisoners use to call each other? 

A: Cell phones. 

Q: Where do snowmen keep their money? 

A: In snow banks. 

Q: What washes up on very small beaches? 

A: Microwaves! 

Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? 

A: The road! 

Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? 

A: The scientists were brainstorming! 

Q: Why did Tony go out with a prune? 

A: Because he couldn't find a date! 

Q: What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? 

A: Hi Cliff!

Top 35 Kids Jokes Of The Day

Top 35 Kids Jokes Of The Day

Why cant a tryanosauras clap? Its extinct – Sharyce

What do you call an elephant in a phonebooth? Stuck – Jodie

What do you call a blind dinosaur? A Doyouthinkhesawus. – Brenda

What do you call a dinosaur that does not take a bath? A Stink-o-Saurus. – Stacey

Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze! – Tina

Knock knock. Who’s there? Cow. Cow who? No, silly cows don’t say whoo cows say moooooo – Jaimie

Girl: Why is your nose so swollen?
Boy: I was smelling a brose.
Girl: Silly! There’s no “b” in rose.
Boy: There was in this one! – Brenda

Knock knock.   Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interr…
MOO!!
Hard to write. The person interrupts the answer by saying MOO!! Hope you get it. My kids think its the funniest thing to yell it at the person getting ready to say interrupting cow who!! They just laugh!!
Then they start doing other animals and noises they can think of!!   – Keri

Q: what do cows read with breakfast? A: A moooospaper – Amber

What do you call a deer with no eyes?-No eye deer (no idea) – Kim

Why did the fastest cat in school get suspended? Cuz he was a cheetah (cheater) – Candice

What do you call a cow that just had a baby? De-calf-inated. – Brenda

knock knock . . . who’s there? Who. Who who? Is there an owl in here?! – Jenna

What does a piece of toast wear to bed? His pa-JAM-as – Laken

What do you call cows that are laying down? Ground beef. – Brenda

Giving Birth Jokes--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Giving Birth 

A woman starts dating a doctor. 

Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. 

About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. 

The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. 

After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.

 "It's worth a try," he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.

 After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, 

"Father, you're not going to believe this."

 "What?" says the priest.

 "What happened?" 

"You gave birth to a child." "But that's impossible!" 

"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." 

About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. 

One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." 

The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"

 The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father." 

Sobriety Test--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Sobriety Test 

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. 

He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

 The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. 

I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

 "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." 

"Well, then, we need a urine sample." says the officer 

"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar." 

"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." says the officer 

"I can't do that, officer." 

Says the guy (with a full grin on his face) 

Now becoming fustrated the officer says "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk." 

Texas Smarts Jokes--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Texas Smarts 

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. 

She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, 

"That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help." 

He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, 

Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" 

Still gasping, she again shook her head no. 

With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. 

The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. 

The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, 

"Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick manoeuvre always works." 

Orange Bar Jokes--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Orange Bar Jokes 

One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, 

"Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?" 

The student replied, "Here's an orange." The professor was livid.

 "No! No! Think like a lawyer!" The student then recited, 

"Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..." 

Signalman Joke--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Signalman Joke

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. 

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: 

"What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" 

Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track." 

"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. 

"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there," answers Tom. 

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector. 

"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box." 

"What if the phone was being used?" 

"In that case," Tom argued, 

"I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station." 

"What if that had been vandalized?" 

"Oh well," said Tom, 

"in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo." 

This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, 

"Why would you do that?" 

"Because he's never seen a train crash." 

Religious Cowboy--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Religious Cowboy 

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. 

Three weeks later, a group of grasshoppers walked up to him carrying the Bible on their backs. 

The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. 

He took the precious book off the grasshoppers backs, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, 

"It's a miracle!" 

"Not really," said the grasshoppers. 

"Your name is written inside the cover." 

You lied to me--Kids Jokes Of The Day

You lied to me

A child asked his father, 

"How were people born?" So his father said, 

"Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." 

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, 

"We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, 

"You lied to me!" His father replied, 

"No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." 

Teacher Asks Children--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Teacher Asks Children

Let's read Jokes For Children about Good Jokes For Kids

Teacher asks children, what do you wish to do in future?  

Jimmy: I want to be a pilot.  

Willy: I want to be a doctor.  

Mary: I want to be a good mother.

Little Johnny: I want to help Mary.

Falkland Island Crisis--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Falkland Island Crisis

Let's read French Military Jokes about Short Joke Of The Day, Military fun facts

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis. 

Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General’s office.  

“Since we weren’t actually at war,” the General began, 

“I can’t give out any medals.  We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated. What we’ve decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body.  You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts.  We’ll start on the left, boys, so what’ll it be?” 

Soldier 1:

 “The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!”  

General: “Very good son, that’s 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds” 

Soldier 2: 

“The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!” 

General: “Even better son, that’s 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds” 

Soldier 3: 

“The palm of me hand to the tip of me left pinky, sahr!” 

General: “That’s a strange but fair request, son! 

As the general begins the measurement: “What!  Son, where is your left pinky?” 

Soldier 3: “Falkland Island, sahr!”

Perfect Son--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Perfect Son

Let's read Kid Joke about Jokes For Kids

A:I have the perfect son.

Q:Does he smoke?

A:No, he doesn't.

Q:Does he drink whiskey?

A:No, he doesn't.

Q:Does he ever come home late?

A:No, he doesn't.

Q:I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

A:He will be six months old next Wednesday.

Brand New Bike--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Brand New Bike

Let's read Funny Kid Jokes about Kid Joke

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike.  

The cop says to the kid,

"Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"  The kid says,

"Yeah." The cop says,

"Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."  

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says,

"By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says,

"Yeah, he sure did." The kid says,

"Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Why Are You Crying?--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Why Are You Crying?

Let's read Jokes For Children about Jokes For Kids

Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic.  

Bill happened to be crying very loudly.

"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.

"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.

"So? Are you afraid?"

"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger." As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely. Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob,

"Why are you crying now?" To which Bob replied,

"I came for a urine test!"

Prayer--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Prayer

 Let's read Jokes For Children about Jokes For Kids

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.

 At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

 "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."

 "I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."

 "I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said,

 "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied,

 "No, but Grandma is!"

A Lesson In Goverment--Kids Jokes Of The Day

A LESSON IN GOVERNMENT

Let's read Kids Jokes Of The Day about Kids Jokes

jokes for kids

  A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.


When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.


His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''


''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.


''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.


 ''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed.

 In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help.


When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room.

 When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud,


''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''

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I Don't Know--Kids Jokes Of The Day

I don't know

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Little Johnny asks his father: 

"Where does the wind come from?"

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"I don't know."

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"Why do dogs bark?"

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"I don't know."

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"Why is the earth round?"

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"I don't know."

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"Does it disturb you that I ask so much?"

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"No son. Please ask. Otherwise you will never learn anything."

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Give Me Free Meat--Kids Jokes Of The Day

Give Me Free Meat

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It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. 

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." 

"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." 

When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"